Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He kissed a someone with a penis
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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