I wannas sexs uuuuu
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
