Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
