I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
