I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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