I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
