Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
