I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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