i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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