my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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