genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
