Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
