You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
