is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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