lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
