I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
