it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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