I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
