Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
