are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
