i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
