dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You can't motorboat a personality
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Someone came in the potted fern
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
