im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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