i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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