I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
