The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
