he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
