Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
