Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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