it's too hot outside to masturbate.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why is your signature on my underwear?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
