Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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