her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think pants incapable of making pants work
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
