I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
