11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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