Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize