i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
