We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
