It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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