gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize