So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
