Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
