sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
