God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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