maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
