The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
