he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
