Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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