He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
