I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
