Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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