its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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