Dual....:-)
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
