talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
