I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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