you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize