at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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