he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dicks are not precious.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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