There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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