i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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