NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
