I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
