Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
