dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
