Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am mentally ready for anal.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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