I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
