I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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