i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
