So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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