you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
