My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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