he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
