3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
