Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
