barbara walters just said penis...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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