there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
