No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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