Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
