I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize