She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
