I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
