Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
