now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
