Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
