the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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