It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
