Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
this is an emotional support booty call
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize