My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
