We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
