I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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