there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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