So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize