wakey wakey hands off snakey
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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