How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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