Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
