Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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