he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
