It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Alive.
So much puke
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
