I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
