This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
