sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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