I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
