Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
