Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
