hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
