I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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