Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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