I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize