Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
