Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
