I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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